My husband says I look like a Q-tip.

In my divorce, I stood up and said to my ex-wife, ‚Hey, I messed up. This had nothing to do with you. I didn’t understand what marriage was. I cheated. I was wrong. We couldn’t fix it; it got worse. I stepped away because I didn’t want it to get any worse. You’re the mother of my kids – I don’t want to hate you.‘

I really thought I was on the way out. My husband Blake saved my life. Often I don’t know what I do, then the next day the memory returns. And then I am engulfed in shame.

I’ve told Billy if I ever caught him cheating, I wouldn’t kill him because I love his children and they need a dad. But I would beat him up. I know where all of his sports injuries are.

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.

You start to become successful, and everybody starts to drive your money train to the bank, and they’re not thinking anymore about what you want as an artist or if any of that even matters to you. It genuinely upsets people in my life that I don’t care about money, and that’s not my problem.

I had a lovers quarrel with the world.

Plant and your spouse plants with you; weed and you weed alone.

Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which, before their union, were not perceived to have any relation.

I never thought I’d have children; I never thought I’d be in love, I never thought I’d meet the right person. Having come from a broken home – you kind of accept that certain things feel like a fairy tale, and you just don’t look for them.

It’s annoying, but justice and equality are mates. Aren’t they? Justice always wants to hang out with equality. And equality is a real pain.

The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

I’ve never had a divorce, but I’ve seen so many of my friends, my sister, my family go through that stuff, so I try to write for the people that can’t write about it. I take on their sorrow, so I’m able to kind of express it, or their joy.

There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.

I am a bit of a solitude person – a solitary personality. I like being on my own. I don’t have any major friendships or relationships with people.

My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.

It was that famous joke: What’s the last thing the drummer said before he got kicked out of the band? ‚Hey, I wrote a song.‘

I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.

I believe the home and marriage is the foundation of our society and must be protected.

When I think of the love I feel for each member of our family, I sense, to a slight degree, the love that our Heavenly Father bears for His children.

My father wasn’t a cruel man. And I loved him. But he was a pretty tough character. His own father was even tougher – one of those Victorians, hard as iron – but my dad was tough enough.

Nobody cares how much you know, until they know how much you care.

Government is like a baby. An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.

Marriage is the most natural state of man, and… the state in which you will find solid happiness.

A difference of taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections.

A friend is, as it were, a second self.

If you have fear, you are bound by tradition, you follow some leader or guru. When you are bound by tradition, when you are afraid of your husband or your wife, you lose your dignity as an individual human being.

Through my research, I found that vulnerability is the glue that holds relationships together. It’s the magic sauce.

The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.

When love beckons to you, follow him, Though his ways are hard and steep. And when his wings enfold you yield to him, Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.

Every single one of the guys that I’ve written songs about has been tracked down on MySpace by my fans.

Misfortune shows those who are not really friends.

When you’re traveling constantly, every day you become inspired, and it shows in my work, sonically, lyrically, visually. Conversations with women with different accents and stories told in those accents. I like to create characters based on different people I’ve met, and relationships. I like to tell stories loosely based on real-life events.

No one is laughable who laughs at himself.

The more I grow in popularity, the lonelier it gets. Because you don’t really know me. You just know this part of me. You fell in love with that. But it’s way more intricate than what meets the surface.

Eating is so intimate. It’s very sensual. When you invite someone to sit at your table and you want to cook for them, you’re inviting a person into your life.

What difference is there between us, save a restless dream that follows my soul but fears to come near you?

I was kind of secretly hoping one of my kids would go out and make a million bucks. So when they put me in a home, at least I’ll have a window with a view.

If I studied all my life, I couldn’t think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress.

I can live for two months on a good compliment.

Love can do much, but duty more.

You don’t want to live your life and then meet someone. You want to share your life with someone. That’s what I’m missing right now.

I used to tell my husband that, if he could make me ‚understand‘ something, it would be clear to all the other people in the country.

A friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature.

Beware of the man who does not return your blow: he neither forgives you nor allows you to forgive yourself.

Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.

A lot of truth is said in jest.

Whenever you’re in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.

There’s one way to find out if a man is honest – ask him. If he says, ‚Yes,‘ you know he is a crook.

Exaggeration is a blood relation to falsehood and nearly as blamable.

He who is cruel to animals becomes hard also in his dealings with men. We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals.

Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.

I think I have always had a little humor.

My husband has quite simply been my strength and stay all these years, and I owe him a debt greater than he would ever claim.

It was times like these when I thought my father, who hated guns and had never been to any wars, was the bravest man who ever lived.

Love begins by taking care of the closest ones – the ones at home.

Little children are still the symbol of the eternal marriage between love and duty.

Love does not dominate; it cultivates.

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier… I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

A man will speedily sit down and sympathize with a friend’s griefs, but if he sees him honored and esteemed, he is apt to regard him as a rival and does not so readily rejoice with him. This ought not to be; without effort, we ought to be happy in our brother’s happiness.

If I think too hard about a relationship, I’ll talk myself out of it.